eSFL Insider-Week 3, 2011

Sponsored by "Gropenhagen"

Week two is in the books and three unbeatens remain, the Bruisermakers (what else is new), Bruisers, and surprisingly the Pulverisers. Week two  was a week of expectations, well almost. Five of the seven predicted teams stood up to the challenge and won their games, with the Ruskies and Kavanators falling short by less than five points each. While Reggie Bush failed to produce for the Ruskies and Hakeem Nicks didn’t eat his "Alpoo" before his Kavanators team's big game, the Rednecks and Sweaty Palms gained their first victories of the 2011 eSFL season.

Week three has much of the same to offer. Its going to be action packed and loaded with obvious victories along with multiple blowouts.

You will notice the editor of this Insider took the liberty to add a few graphics to aid you in understanding this weeks contest. He (the editor) told me he had planned to create one of these fancy graphics for each contest this week, but was unable to do so. His reason for the inability to perform this function was lack of time and desire. He said, "Kav, damn boy, get your ass back in them books and learn some read'n and rit'n. It took me so fucking long to fix your shit I lost interest not only in this article, but by the time I was done I had lost all interest in the eSFL".

Enjoy the piece and remember it took a lot of time and effort to get it done!

Bruisermakers at Ruskies

The last undefeated team of the Global Division, The Pardue Bruisermakers are off to a fast start in 2011 and seem to be bruising, damaging and bashing any team that gets in their way.  Starting injured quarterback Tony Romo (9 points) with cracked ribs and one lung just won’t get the job done in this guys opinion. Throw in the fact this team lost their star running back Jamaal Charles for the season, this just may be the week the Bruisermakers fall. Led in week three by Vincent Jackson (39 points) and Drew Breese (31 points), the Zima Ruskies hope to continue to get good consistency from the rest of the squad with intentions of running away with the Global Division. The Ruskies, bottom dwellers of the Global, will have their hands full regardless. They should get good production from Vincent Jackson (24), but it won’t be enough to fight off the contusions the Bruisermakers will bring even with their mounting injuries.

Bruisermakers 186 – Ruskies 126

Crownholders at Runners

The D Crownholders are coming off a disappointing loss in week two and expect Aaron Rodgers to lift their spirits this week, watch for him to drop 33 on that ass. Mcfadden will remain consistent and get his 135 yards, but probably won't reach the end zone. The Crownholders can also expect defensive back Hall to grab two second half picks and lead the defense with 17. The Rhodes Runners are in it to win it this year. Finally the Runners will turn the Realm over to "FitzMAGIC" who will shock the world this week dropping 37 over the patriots and leading his parent team, the NFL's Bills to a 3-0 start. Wide receiver Calvin Johnson will be good for his usual 20+ and upcomer Eric Decker, who may just end up being this year’s waiver wire "Supernatural" will have 19 points in this game. The MAGIC of FITZPATRICK will be enough this week for the runners to scurry over the Crownholders.

Runners 167 – Crownholders 149

Flurries at  Rednecks

(Game of the Week)

The Mckinney Rednecks are overlooked again in the eSFL, as he always is a defensive minded first team and proves to be again in 2011. Patrick Willis and Roman Harper will lead the Rednecks this week with 18 points apiece and Roddy white should show why the Falcons are the top Birds in the NFL, lighting it up for 39 plus. Quarterback Colt Mccoy (18 points) is growing every week and should fair well against Miami’s defense. The Frost Furrious Flurries are coming off a week two loss and is seeking to take it out on the Rednecks in this one. Super Receiver Andre Johnson (27 points) and Mike Turner (19 points) will lead the Frost team in scoring. I predict his defense will match up well with Mckinney’s, with Paul Posluzny's projected 15 points and James Harrison's 17 making this the game of the week in a defensive battle. In the end Frost will Freeze the Rednecks in a down to the wire battle.

Frost 155 – Rednecks 152

   Vigilantie at  Fanatix

In a contest featuring two bottom feeders, these teams matchup well against one another. Both teams will be battling for their first win in 2011. I expect Tom Brady to do the usual and light up the Bills for 50+ fantasy points, I also expect Reggie Wayne to do what he does best in the Sunday primetime games, that’s catch TD passes!  Look for Wayne to score 23 points. Coach Joel Vial is confused and it shows since it's Wednesday night and he has yet to post a starting lineup. If coach Vial what’s to keep his job he will pull Ben "Rapesherburger" and start the hot handed Grossman who should perform well in a classic contest. Grossman should put up 27 compared to the expected 18 by "Big Ben" . CJ2k remains to be almost nonexistent but Anquan Boldin

Fanatix 155- Vial-121

  Pulverisers at Workhorse

This is a matchup up of highly predicted contender vs. defending champ. The Pulverisers are having the eSFL season of their dreams with a 2-0 record and look pretty much unstoppable. They have the running back duo that teams can only dream of in Matt Forte and LeSean McCoy. Watch this tandem put up a combined 65 points in this weeks match up. Quarterback Andy Dalton is listed as a starter but don't expect that to last long. Mike Vick will be in the lineup and he will be healthy enough to put up 22  in the first half before he gets confused from his state of Virginia education and thinks he’s a running back again and wind up "looking out his ear hole". The champs will put up a battle but only for one half like usual. Though sitting in a playoff spot with the conferences second lowest points fielded, the Workhorse will get big gains from Philly Rivers against the defenseless chiefs. Look for Rivers to drop 47. Also watch for Ray Lewis to get two sacks along with a projected 10 tackles, he’s good for 20 points or more. Then you have the rest of the team, and it just doesn’t match up with the Pulverisers. Look for the Pulverisers to slaughter the workHORSE and serve it as "Pony Protein".

Pulverisers 177 – Workhorse 122

 
Sweaty Palms at Texas Boys

The highly touted Sweaty Palms are not producing the way they were anticipated. Running back Willis Mcgahee will lead the Palms this week with a 22 point game and Mat Ryan should fit the "Beast" category by dropping 21.  Two time eSFL champions, Temp's Texas Boy's will be tuff to beat in week three with Matt Stafford threatening to put up MVP like numbers and dropping another 35+ point game. With Adrian Peterson just being AP (25pts), it just looks like too much for the Sweaty Palms , who may change their name to the over saturated palms after letting this game "Drip" away.

Temp 167 – Sweaty Palms 119

  Kavanators at  Bruisers

Texan Bruisers are 2-0 and are starting up where they left off last year in the regular season. Ray Rice will run wild and score 31 for the Texans. The wideout combo of Larry Fitz and Kenny Britt will remain solid and combine for 51. Kav's Kavantors will be tuff this week as he expects to counter some of Ray Rice’s touchdowns with Joe Flacco handing them off to him and getting 27 of his own. With tight end Aaron Hernandez hurt big things should open up for teammate Rob Gronkowski who faces the Bills. Look for Gronkowski’s high points to increase with the absence of Hernandez and drop a 41 bomb. Running back Mike Tolbert will run against the chiefs, and with wideout Dom Hixon going down with injury it will certainly open more room for Nicks to be in the end zone. The Kavanators should terminate the Bruisers.

Kavanators 189 – Bruisers 165

That concludes our Week three Insider for the eSFL. I would like to end this weeks Insider with the presentation of the week two "CMMON MAN" AWARD.
And the week 2 recipitant is………….. Vial Vigilanties. Vial knew all week Steven Jackson was not going to play, yet he did not even go into the waiver wire and grab a scrub to fill in. He paid for it putting up a pathetic 102 PTS. Congrats Vial

"CMMON MAN"

Written by Ron Kavanaugh for the eSFL Insider