Week 5 Recaps, 2011

Texan Bruisers get revenge, end Pulverizers perfect season!

The Texan Bruisers (4-2) got kicked around in week four and came into week five looking for redemption against the Pulverizers (5-1).  After Michael Vick threw four interceptions and Brandon Lloyd performed a disappearing act in Denver, the law firm, BenJarvis Green-Ellis ran wild on the Pulverizers defense to the tune of 32.6 points. Matt Schuab threw for a nice 27.04 points early Sunday afternoon and the Bruisers stormed back from a 50 point deficit to take the victory and spoil the Pulverizers bid for a perfect season.  Defensively, both of these teams are very weak, but the wide outs for the Texan team proved to be the difference.  Deion Branch dropped 20.6 and fresh off the bench, Kevin Walters scored 19.1 in the win.  Fred Jackson scored 35.2 and Vick chipped in 27.8 for the Perdew squad in the loss.

Sweaty Palms jack up the Vigilantes, Vial still winless

172.48-135-62

The bottom feeders in the Appalachian went head to head this weekend in front of a modest 24,345 drunk fans.  Most folks came to see Arian Foster and Chris Johnson (CJ), two highly drafted players face off for the first time this season.  The Vial team is winless on the year and that streak continues into next week as he dropped yet another division game .  Igama was lead by wide out Dwayne Bowe (31.6) and Arian Foster returned from a sore hammy to put 25.6 on the board.  Vial continues to struggle defensively as John Abraham failed to register a single point and two defensive backs put up 10 points combined.  Big Ben Rothelisberger dropped a 45.42 bomb and Sebastian Janikowski kicked in 24 points in the losing effort.  CJ has certainly not lived up to expectations this season and is in jeopardy of being put on the bench.  I would think a trade offer or two should be in the forecast for the Vial team.

Ruskies dominate on Monday night, slip past Fields as 1-4 teams battle to the end

Zima Ruskies finished off the Fanatix on Monday with the leg of placekicker Robbie Gould and the Global domination of the Appalachian continues. Zima had a rough week four in which he saw his team lose two games and fall to the bottom of the division standings. But week five proved to be more to his satisfaction as quarterback Drew Brees scored 30.76 to lead the Ruskies back into contention.
Many jokes are attempted on eSFL radio and related sights, but when this season is complete it is highly likely that the biggest one will be the Fields Fanatix. Led by wide receiver Doug Baldwin (27.6) the fan base can at least point out the scrap heap efficiency their favorite teams coaching staff demonstrated. The teams remaining stars (Brady and Wayne) failed to show. Coach Fields announced before the game on eSFL Radio he would wear a paper bag on his head all day Sunday in a desperate attempt to get his team fired up. He should have stretched a condom over his head, sealed it to cut off his air supply and put his self out of his misery.

Quarterbacks battle, Global rivalry goes the distance, Temp wins!
In a game still being reviewed, it appears the Temp's Texas Boy's will send the Pardue Bruisermakers to their third straight defeat. 147.26 to 146.26 is scary as it is has all the possibilities to be the second (or even third) tie in league history. The Pardue team needed just one more point from their leading scorer of the week, quarterback Jay Cutler (21.06) appears to have fallen short of the mark on Monday Night Football.
The apparent winners, Temp, were led by star runner A. Peterson (36.1) and quarterback M. Stafford (23.26) in what ranks as one of the most exciting games in league history. Stafford wouldn't make a mistake late in the contest and elected to hand the ball off on his final drive to secure the victory. Despite another flaccid performance from their defensive unit the Texas Boy's move to 4-2 and a tie for second place in their division.  With a loss the Bruisermakers will fall to a disappointing 3-3 and for the first time in three seasons are at .500.

Calvin Johnson lifts Runners to victory over Frost
The Rhodes Runners watched Calvin Johnson (24) and Brandon Pettigrew (13.9) seal the deal Monday evening as they moved to a 4-2 record and second place tie in the Global. Coach Rhodes made several coaching mistakes but it proved irreverent against the lowly Frost Furrious Flurries who lost their fifth contest in six and remain at the bottom of the Global division.

McKinney loses with stupid coaching from opponent
The McKinney Rednecks started a defensive back on a bye week, and in error the commissioner removed that player and inserted Patrick Peterson who scored 3.5 points. The final score appears on the official website to be 127.54 to 124.4. The commissioner reviewed his action and found it to be incorrect. The rule states, "the commissioner will never make a lineup adjustment if an owner has set their lineup (unless collusion as described above) or an incorrect lineup has been posted". The commissioner has determined coach McKinney did not purposely try and lose the contest, an incorrect lineup was not posted, and a coaching error of playing a bye week player occurred. Therefore, the player originally in the Rednecks lineup was placed back into it and the Rednecks end up on the losing side as of the time of writing.

Appalachian powers collide, Workhorses hold on to top Kavanators
Shit talkers came out in full force to watch the Whitmore team defeat the Kavanators for the sixth straight time and send the teams into a three way tie for second in the Appalachian division.
Whitmore rubbed his lucky horse again this week and it proved to be enough as his opponent scored a pathetic 112 points. The ponies were led by quarterback Phillip Rivers (20.4) and the rest of his team did nothing remarkable in the victory. Kav was led by Jason Campbell (20.1), which is statement of futility in itself.