Runners-How They Won it All in 2015!

Runners-How They Won it All in 2015!

By eSFL Commissioner on Fri Aug 19 7:14:07 a.m. ET 2016

Write New Article | Reply To Article |  Edit This Article  |  Delete This Article  | 2 Replies It has been a long offseason but the 2016 eSFL season is here! I have received many request for an overview how we, the Runners, pulled off the DOUBLE UP Ballistic Bowl 16 win last year. So I decided to go ahead and clear it all up for everyone. It was the night before the 16th annual eSFL draft and I just happened to be at the airport in Coco Cobango awaiting the boarding call for my return back to good old Minot. Of course I had my binder of draft prep out while I sat and waited, when two gentlemen approached me. "Is that the ADP list from ESPN for fantasy football dude?", a fat headed hulk of a man asked as he towered over me. "not really, its my rankings", I told him. He then introduced himself as Big Ben and his partner announced he was Antonio. Most people would have been pretty excited for Big Ben and Antonio Brown to approach them at the airport, but I was less than thrilled. You see, I was more concerned about the double up in the eSFL and really needed to finish up my draft strategy that was less than 24 hours away. But, I reluctantly introduced myself with the alias of Ronald Kavanaugh. Why would I use an alias? Well, these NFL players have a way of getting in trouble and with such a huge amount of money on the line in the upcoming eSFL season I could not afford to be all over the news about how I was involved in any type of suspect activities. "You mind if I take a see of your data there bro", Antonio quipped. "Well, it isn't data I normally share...", was my response. They looked at each other with a surprised look and kinda laughed it off. I thought that would be the end of it and I could return to my studies, but the big fat head moved my carry on bag and sat down next to me. "Hey, buddy, I got some first hand insider info, but I cannot share it with you until I see where you have Antonio and me ranked on your little chart there", he stated. "Well, it's...." I started to say when Antonio grabbed the binder outta my hands and sat down to my left. Alright, you gotta picture this, I have Antonio Brown on my left, Big Ben on my right, sitting in an airport in Coco Cobango, and Brown has just grabbed my draft rankings from me. You know, the one that has him ranked 18th and his partner Big Ben ranked 176th! "Let me see this shit bro", Antonio mumbled as he opened up to page one. He gave a quick glance to Big Ben then me, then went back into the data. He looked it over for about 30 seconds and handed it to Ben, who pretty much mirrored Antonio's routine. Big Ben closed the binder, got up and walked over to the trash receptacle, and dumped my last six months of work into it. "Look", he stated, that's a lot of hard work and I commend you on it, but it's garbage". "I know a place we can set down, relax, and talk this shit out", lets go", he stated as he picked up my carry on and started to walk towards the Coco Bango Lounge and Grill across the waiting area. I followed, glancing at the boarding counter hoping that I would be saved by the announcement of "Delta Flight 2178 now boarding", but it never came. We made it over to the bar where they ordered 20 buds and asked if I would like one. "I'm really not....", I began but was interrupted by Antonio, "BULL SHIT BRO", as he slid a large ice cold bud in front of me. After each had finished 2 beers, using straws to do so, Antonio reached in his pocket and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper, you know, the one where you have ripped it from a binder, has the shredded edges and all. Big Ben announced for us to huddle up, and Antonio laid out a line of coke that he dispensed from the paper. Ben and Antonio used their beer straws and got down like they were at the line of scrimmage awaiting for the center to snap the ball. Ben looked up at me and I shook my head no as he waived off the audible and snorted his row. Antonio quickly followed up the action and then said, "hey man, is that a damn red flag, no!, no challenge man". Ben just laughed it off and they each guzzled down two of their Buds before Antonio said to me, "Gotta take me in 1st round man", and Ben jumped in and said, "I'm first round material but you can get me in the 3rd, do it man, trust us". Well at this point I just want to get outta here before all hell breaks loose and my eSFL double up chances are snorted down their sinus cavities. I started to stand up and couldn't move, as Ben had his hand on my shoulder as he guzzled beer number 5. "Ronald, word is out on you, we know all about you, and honestly I am a little disappointed because what I have heard about you and what I have seen from you are two different things, I mean the word out of Buffallo is you are the number 1 beer guzzling fantasy guru in the states, what up here, you a little intimidated by Antonio and me or what", he asked. "You heard of Ronald Kavan....., I started to say but was interrupted by Antonio, "your the damn talk of all NFL locker rooms boy, 36 fantasy teams, bet on damn anything, drink with the best of em, wrestling stud, c'mon man". I was about to tell them that I was not Ronald Kavanough when the speaker announced "Delta Flight 2178 passengers with group A may now board". Thank You, I though to myself. Antonio and Big Ben stood up, guzzled down their final 2 beers each, looked at me and nodded. "Take me in 1, Ben in 3, and steal Brandon Marshall in 5 or 6", Brown said as he slipped a 100 dollar bill in my shit pocket. He and Ben proceeded to walk towards the exit area opposite of the boarding gate when they were approached by someone I thought I recognized but couldn't place. "is that Ron Pardue" I wondered out loud as they took his carry on and began walking toward the Coco Bango Lounge and Grill. The rest is history fellas! Comments are always welcome! Not a true story, its fantasy, I didnt see anyon snort coke